..zeLda's saNctuaRy..

2011-11-08T00:40:00.001+07:00

we tend to hurt people we love, but nice to strangers.

we treat people we love like shit, take them for granted, thinking that they wouldn't leave us or hurt us back because they are close to us and love us too, and they would just understand why we hurt them.

well, that is plain wrong.

2011-09-27T00:15:00.001+07:00

time is ticking away.. time is running out.. everyday, every hour, every second....
whenever i see you, i know i never wanna be away from you..
and i hope the feeling's mutual.

i don't wanna waste any second i have with you.. the rest don't matter to me, there's nothing more interesting more indulging more moving than you.. i need no tv, no book, no internet, no ps3, no music, no nothing as long as u're by my side.

ur presence is everything i need.

yet, i don't think you even understand that.

i don't care if it's palembang, jakarta, bandung, surabaya, bali, jogja, singapore or hongkong, 5 stars hotel or a hostel, i don't care if there's cockroaches or no air conditioning, i really don't give a shit.. although i know you do cuz you're worried about my well being, but please trust me when i'm always gonna be alright.. as long as i'm with you.

i will ride any rollercoaster (with u)
i will stay at any crappy place (with u)
i will watch any horror movie (with u)
i will stop when u tell me to

do u understand the depth of my willingness?

2011-09-03T12:15:00.001+07:00

This is the last day of holiday. In two days i'm gonna have to face reality..work and work and work. Shitty work.

So, there's really nothing to look forward to. Nuh, scratch that. I'm going to look for some things that i can look forward to... i need to do this. I need to find something exciting to keep me going forward. Like a project. A life project. Something.... maybe i can try to find a scholarship abroad? or find a more exciting place to work? or write a novel? or i don't know... i don't know what i wanna do with my life.

Whatever.. finding my life's passion is a lot harder. So, one baby step at a time..

Now, let's see what little things i can do to make my life has more meaning to live...

do sport regularly. swim. gym. anything.
do things spontaneously
stop being too serious !!!!!
enjoy life

So what if work sucks ??
So what if people are nosy ??
So what if i'm bored ??

Well, these are not the kind of list i wanted to make... but whatever.... i never did any resolutions i made. It's pointless to make one now... haha.

Gwads, i am just so bored with my life.

I wanna have a dog ! I wanna walk my dog ! I wanna bungee ! I wanna go on a vacation and have a blast ! I wanna stop stressing about my work ! I wanna stop worrying about life ! I just wanna have fun with my life ! I wanna stop explaining things to other people ! I wanna go skiing ! I wanna go beach walking ! I wanna be carefree !!

2011-06-24T21:31:00.000+07:00

Dear Allah,

Thank YOU for all the blessings YOU've given me.

2011-06-15T19:32:00.001+07:00

gosh................... im so tired.

=(((((((((((((((((((((

get me out of here please.....................

2011-05-30T22:55:00.000+07:00

akhirnya gw mutasi !!!

ke... prioritas palembang arief.
shit.

tomorrow = manyun day at work.

2011-05-28T11:16:00.000+07:00

Thought I couldn't breath without ya,
I'm inhalin'
You thought I couldn't see without ya,
perfect vision
You thought I couldn't last without ya,
but I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without ya,
but I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without ya,
but I'm on top
Thought that it would be over by now,
but it won't stop....
Thought that I would self destruct,
but I'm still here Even in my years to come,
I'm still gonna be here

I'm a survivor
I'm not gonna give up
I'm not gonna stop
I'm gonna work harder

After all of the darkness and sadness
Still comes happiness
If I surround myself with positive things
I'll gain prosperity

Survivor - Destiny's Child

2011-05-27T22:38:00.000+07:00

Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim the temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears
'cause it's all about love and I know better
How life is a waving feather
So I put my arms around you around you
And I know that I'll be leaving soon

My eyes are on you they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking
No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes
'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath
Oh could burst it if it were a bubble
And I'd better dream if I have to struggle

So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

Dancing - Elisa

2011-05-21T12:12:00.000+07:00

i have been wandering off this mall for about 2 hours and now i'm at starbucks browsing for some shoujo mangas with hot bishonens......

i'm still following Skip Beat which is still ongoing and after all these chapters and volumes, Kyoko and Ren haven't even had their first bloody kiss!! just a peck on the cheek and that's it. They're still not a couple. No progress on Kyoko and Sho, also.. gosh, it's kinda frustrating.. i need some more romantic spicesss !!

found this manga recommended by someone, "Barajou no Kiss".
first glance: okay, HOT bishonens ! <3

perfect.

2011-05-18T23:30:00.000+07:00

got this from kaskus *smirks*

PERSONALITY TRAITS BY BIRTH MONTH

Personality traits for you who were born on June

* Thinks far with vision (yes)
* Easily influenced by kindness (YES)
* Polite and soft-spoken (not really)
* Having lots of ideas (NOT really)
* Sensitive (very much YES)
* Active mind (YES, my mind is unstoppable)
* Hesitating (YES a.k.a parnoan)
* Tends to delay (as in lazeeeeeey)
* Choosy and always wants the best (i guess soooo)
* Temperamental (HELL to the YESSSS)
* Funny and humorous (NOOOOOOOOOOOO)
* Loves to joke (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)
* Good debating skills (HELL TO THE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)
* Talkative (sometimes)
* Daydreamer (sometimes)
* Friendly (kind of)
* Knows how to make friends (hahahhaha nooooot really)
* Abiding (what does this mean?)
* Able to show character (what character????)
* Easily hurt (i guess so)
* Prone to getting colds (mmmm oyeah?)
* Loves to dress up (NOPE, not me)
* Takes time to recover when hurt (i guess sooo....)
* Brand conscious (duit enggak bohong....)
* Executive (am i???)
* Stubborn (HELL TO THE YESSSSS ALL IN CAPITALLLL)
* Those who loves me are enemies (huh?? meaning??)

Personality traits for you who were born on April

* Active and dynamic (yes)
* Decisive and hateful but tends to regret (i guess so)
* Attractive and affectionate to oneself (yes)
* Strong mentality (YESSS)
* Loves attention (i think so)
* Diplomatic (yep)
* Consoling (errrr sometimes)
* Friendly and solves people's problems (YESSSSSS)
* Brave and fearless (YESSSSSSSSSSSSS very much)
* Adventurous (absofuckinlutly)
* Loving and caring (always)
* Suave and generous (i think so)
* Emotional (hahahahhahahaha,,,,,,,,,,,yeaaah)
* Revengeful (so scary... seriously???)
* Aggressive (like, how??)
* Hasty (YEPPPP)
* Good memory (number one!)
* Moving (not really)
* Motivate oneself and the others (really??)
* Sickness usually of the head and chest (stomach!!)
* Easily get too jealous (when??????)

and the rest are here

2011-05-18T22:03:00.000+07:00

yaaaayyyy !! akhirnya gw bisa main Emperor lageeeeee.......... *booty dance* (red: Emperor - Rise of The Middle Kingdom)

Game jebot tahun 2000-an yang bikin gw males kuliah hihihi...

Mainnya gantian sama The Sims 3 (mission accomplished punya anak kembar tiga), sekarang lagi super repot ngurusin 3 anak sekaligus *phewww*

I just love love love Emperor... pretty good for stress reliever...

ten thumbs up !

2011-05-17T00:01:00.000+07:00

i know i've done so many bad things in the past, that i've hurt so many people for the sake of my happiness.

sometimes i feel like it's just a matter of time until something really bad happens to me.

especially whenever i feel extremely happy.

because i fear that it won't last forever.

:(

i can only hope and dream..

2011-05-11T01:05:00.000+07:00

annnnnyiiiiiiiiiiing............. palembang puanas buanget gilaaaakkkk.............................

it's almost 1 am and i still can't sleep cuz it's just too damn hot !! kipas angin pun gak ngefek *yaeyalah*

udah hari kedua gw kepanasan gila-gilaan kaya gini... oh my hotness..............

i really need to get some sleep

2011-05-07T13:36:00.002+07:00

hurray! ga jadi ditinggal.. i got punked! =P

going to swim this afternoon *loooove it*
going to burn that fat baby!

2011-05-03T23:08:00.000+07:00

berat gw naik lagi sekilo. my jeans are so tight i can't barely zip it.

mulai memikirkan weekend ini mau ngapain, secara bakal ditinggal lagi :( hiks.

2011-05-01T18:59:00.001+07:00

What a wonderful weekend.. dimulai dengan dufan dan diakhiri dengan bandung. Hoho....

Ke dufan buat bayar utang kalah taroan.. well, pilihannya 2: either ke dufan naik semua wahana yang diminta OR ke kantor pake kacamata renang. D'uh?? jelas lah gw pilih dufan...

Akhirnya di dufan cuma main 5 wahana doang: kora-kora, histeria, istana boneka, kicir-kicir and tornado. Yeah, dibumbui dengan teriakan melengking khas gw, "mamaaaaaaahhhh" "mommmmyyyyyyy" "i hate yooouuuu a***" "a*** i'm so gonna fucking kill yoouuuuuuu" "kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" etc etc..

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. Never again. Ever.

Terakhir naik tornado.... meweeeek... trus abis itu kita langsung balik cuz i didn't feel good... daaaaaaan di mobil gw muntah deh. Gyaahahahhaa sukurin yang punya mobil!! jackpot! that's the price you have to pay for making me doing all those horror wahanas! hahahhahahahh! ihihihi....

Trus besoknya cabut ke bandung. God, i love that city so much.. ga pernah bosen walopun sering kesana.. romantic dinner di atas bukit, (window) shopping, batagor kingsley, PVJ n CiwaLk, haagen dazs-ing..... mmmmm yang paling special selama di bandung tuh kita nonton film horor thailand gitu deh di blitz PVJ.. gosh, it was a torture.. 1,5 hour non stop of merem, nutup telinga pake jari and humming wildly to myself...... phewww... balik dari nonton mau makan sate kelinci di Lembang, tapi karena udah capek banget seharian jalan kesana-sini akhirnya ga jadi deh..... hihihi agak lega ga jadi makan sate kelinci, serem ga bakal bisa nelen karena enggak tegaaaa, hihihi...

akhirnya karena dia kelaperan jadi kita pergi ke warung nasi goreng babi gitu yang deket masih di tengah kota... untung gw udah kenyang makan pretzel...........

crazy mary

2011-04-15T18:25:00.000+07:00

masih mencari cara tercepat dan terbaik untuk menghilangkan amarah dan ke-moody-an gw.. gimana yah.... it's explosive and so destructive, driving me insane. i'm so tired. draining me inside out.

the great pretender

2011-04-15T10:55:00.000+07:00

Smile though my heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
I'll get by

If i smile through my pain and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
I'll see the sun come shining through
For me

Light up my face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time i must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
I'll find that life is still worthwhile
If i just smile

:)

life is precious

2011-04-11T18:24:00.001+07:00

I gained four -bloody- kilos in two -bloody- months. Without any gain weight supplement whatsoever. Wow. That is just crazy. Superb. My ideal weight + two more kilos!! Finally !! *tebar-tebar conveti*

I have to say big thanks to the finger lickin' delicious kentucky fried chicken and their delivery service. I know it's not a healthy choice but i LOVE kfc. The best fried chicken in the whole universe. I can have it, like, three times a week...and i'd still crave for more..

What's for dinner? oh i know...KFC! Great idea!!

Anyway, since i'm well aware about how unhealthy my life has been.. i tried to have healthier choice and decisions.

I stop drinking coffee. Fortunately (unfortunately??) maag gw kambuh, so i have the REAL pembenaran for not drinking coffee for a while. I drink 2 litre of water everyday, no more beers or wine, or irish coffee.. AND i consume fruit everyday, plus salad whenever i get the chance.

oh yeah, gw juga ngebatesin konsumsi chitato 'n chiki.. yang sebelumnya bisa gila-gilaan banget, yaiks.. 15 bungkus seminggu >.< but now, down to no more than 2 a week.

Of course, i don't order kfc that often anymore... eat fish instead of red meat, though i really don't like fish.....

Hihihihihi, sok sehat.......

Life is precious!

Dan yang pasti, gak lagi-lagi deh ngembat paramex/biogesic/decolgen langsung delapan biji sekaligus...... (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Once again, LIFE IS SO FUCKING PRECIOUS......

palembang oh palembang

2011-03-31T23:28:00.000+07:00

So, here i am... after all these 2,5 years i am still very much stuck in this town. No news about me going back to Jakarta or whatsoever. But i complaint less than i used to. I mean, i have my reason to stay... although some people really urge me to do whatever i can to get the hell out of here.

So my former boss offered me if i wanted to send my CV to his group.. i was excited, but then not so excited anymore because.. well, i'm not sure i wanna go back to Jakarta. This town, despite the lack of entertainment and pretty much boring, has become my comfort zone.. and there's someone i don't wanna get too far from.

Please let me stay a little bit longer.. cuz i can never get enough.

the ping pong song

2011-03-23T20:50:00.000+07:00

if birds flying south is a sign of changes
at least you can predict this every year
love, you never know the minute it ends suddenly
i can't get it to speak

maybe if i knew all the things it took to save us
i could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me
look in your eyes to see something about me
i'm standing on the edge and i don't know what else to give

...

do you know how it feels ?

-do you know- Enrique Iglesias

2010-12-02T18:34:00.001+07:00

Menurut lo ????

2010-12-01T19:55:00.001+07:00

Oemji. I am very snappy and cranky today.. It's awful..
Rasanya ingin mencabik-cabik semua orang, semua urusan..

But, thankfully, tabungan november 99% ..fiuhhh..

Masuk angin. Huks. Ga sukaaaaa...pengen dikerokin papah :(
Miss u so much daddeeeee...

2010-11-28T08:12:00.001+07:00

I drank 5 pills of decolgen,all at once.
And then I felt like flying.....
Tried to stand up,ended up feeling very fainty.
So I slept it off.
Woke up in the morning,all freshen up.

Not gonna shed a tear for u,dear..

Let this be,let me move on..

2010-11-25T08:31:00.001+07:00

Susyiiii tadi share tes psikologi begini di group..

Ada sebatang P0H0N yg tua...
Bila HUJAN turun, beberapa helai daun tumbuh...
Bila MUSIM GUGUR datang, ANGIN menerbangkan semua DAUN...

Jika diberi pilihan, maka kamu mau jadi apa?
a. Hujan
b. Angin
c. Musim gugur
d. Daun
e. Pohon
80% jawaban yg dipilih cermin dari dirimu..

I answered straighforwardly: HUJAN !!

Dan itu artinyaaaa.. HUJAN : kamu sedang mencari seseorang yg betul-betul mencintaimu.

Hyaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhahahhahahaha oh my fuckin' goodness! Dead on!

Anyways,here are the other meanings:
ANGIN : kamu adalah orang ke-3 dalam cinta segitiga
HUJAN : kamu sedang mencari seseorang yg betul2 mencintaimu
MUSIM GUGUR : kamu selalu mencintai dua org dalam satu masa
POHON : kamu begitu setia pada pasangan kamu
DAUN : kamu adalah playgirl/playboy

2010-11-24T21:56:00.001+07:00

Ya Allah...hilangkanlah..lenyapkanlah..enyahkanlah...

2010-11-24T19:53:00.001+07:00

I'm tired, I'm furious, I'm pissed, I'm dissapointed, I'm confused, I'm restless, I'm sad, I'm lost, I'm sick and tired of my freakin' lifeeeeeee!

2010-11-24T15:31:00.001+07:00

Kata la vita e bella: "udah mau bunuh diri, musyrik pulak.. U're on the highway to hell"

Hrrrr,gara-gara broadcast bbm sialan ituh..huuuuh stupid me!

Anyway, do you know that anxient chinese people commited suicide by biting their tongue off?
Which I found very hard to do. Mungkin orang jaman dulu giginya setajam silet kali ya??

2010-11-24T14:29:00.001+07:00

Besak mulut be kau tu.. Ambeklaaa ampera!

2010-11-24T12:13:00.001+07:00

Today I feel very very sad...my heart crumbles and shattered. I feel passionless and hopeless.

I'm longing for peace and love. That's all that would ever make me happy.

2010-11-22T12:10:00.001+07:00

Hoahemmmm...horeee..bos pergi ke pangkal pinang 3 hari..horeee bisa tenggo..horeeeee...
Horeeee bisa nonton amazing race usa nanti jam 18.15,horeeee...

2010-11-22T08:44:00.001+07:00

Can't stop now, more shots let's go!

2010-11-20T23:23:00.001+07:00

When I snap, it ain't pretty, dear... so you'd better watch it. Just like this noon when I was queueing for Harry Potter's tickets.

Jadi gw kan antri di barisan paling kanan,jadiiiii banyak orang-orang geblek n kampungan yang pada mau nyerobot antrian OR titip minta dibeliin tiket. And there was this group of guys yang lagi ngerayu cewe di depan gw buat mau dititipin beli tiket. Well, cewe ini struggling nolak..trus cowo-cowo kampungan ini beralih ke gw. Ha! Sejak mereka nongkrong disitu ngegangguin cewe depan gw aja rasanya dah pengen gw makan idup2...

Cowo norak: mbak, mbak, nitip tiket dong..
Gw: ga mau *mean glare*
Cowo norak: tolonglah mbak.... 3 aja..
Gw: heh! Kalo lo mau nonton,antri noh dari belakang. Lo pikir dari tadi gw antri kaga cape apah?? Capek tauk.. Jadi gw ga mau yaaa lo titipin tiket.Kl mau tiket,silakan antri.
Cowo norak: *mengkeret* ya ga usah nyolot gitu dong mbak..
Gw: ya lo juga punya kelakuan jangan kaya ga pernah sekolah gitu dong!

Yessss! 1-0 buat zerudong! Yay me!

2010-11-19T10:35:00.001+07:00

It would be nice if ....
It would be wonderful if ....

What am I?
Who am I?

What if you could ....
I'd love it if you ....

Have I?
Can I?

I suck.

2010-11-18T21:33:00.001+07:00

Who am I,really?

Crying a riverrrrrr. Dasar ababil. Sakit jiwaaaaa.

suck it all up,zel. Suck.It.All.Up.

Oh Gosh,I need obat tidur. Obat tidur pleaseeee.... Terlalu menyakitkan. I just wanna sleep it off..and wake up forgetting all of this mess I've caused. Please God make it dissapear. Make it okay again. Make it back to normal again. I really don't wanna screw up again. Please please pleaseeee I'm begging u God... My head feels so heavy,my chest feels so heavy,my mind feels so heavy..

2010-11-18T21:11:00.001+07:00

Pengen tidur dan ga bangun-bangun lagi.

2010-11-18T21:01:00.001+07:00

Menyesaaaaal...menyesaaal...

Arghhhh faaak faaaaakkkkkkkk !!!

What was I thinking?? Idiottttttttttttt.

Fak.

2010-11-18T10:59:00.001+07:00

Rencana malem ini:

1. Jam 17.30 ke drg. So Liong Kim.
2. Jam 20.00 nonton Amazing Race Asia !!!!
3. Nonton re-run Got to Dance UK.

Hurray !!! *bootyshake*

2010-11-18T08:23:00.001+07:00

I am sooooo addicted to this song!! Club can't handle me - Flo Rida, ost Step Up 3.. Loved the movie,loveeee the soundtrack! I listen to this song over and over again,never get tired of it. Suka bangetttt... Makes me wanna shake my body. Sexy fun and hip song!

If I feel sad and shitty,I listen to this song and I would be as bright as the sun! If I feel happy and I listen to this song, I would be even brighter than the sun!

2010-11-16T22:22:00.001+07:00

Astaghfirullahaladzim...

Astaghfirullahaladzim...

Astaghfirullahaladzim...

Gusti Allah,berikanlah hamba kesabaran yang tak terbatas,kekuatan dan keyakinan untuk menghadapi ini semua.

2010-11-16T19:59:00.001+07:00

Hhhhhhhhh, yaudahlahyaaaaaa.......

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Damn it.

Chikusooooooooooooo!!

2010-11-16T19:50:00.001+07:00

It does not matter. Ga penting, Zel.. just let it go.
Bukan cuma sekali ini aja.. And all this time i could drop it. So,I will try to not let my feeling go whacko over it.

Nothing personal, that's just the way it is. No biggies. Alright?
Calm down, take it easy..

Maybe I overvalue myself. Just let it go.

I am not as worth as what I thought I was.

I will just cry an ocean, then drop it. Then read mini shopaholic.

Yep.

2010-11-16T17:38:00.001+07:00

Sedihnya idul adha jauh dari keluarga... Hiks..
Gw sediiiiiih...sediiiiih....menangiiisss...

2010-11-15T11:49:00.001+07:00

Pengen irish coffee lageee.....

My head feels so heavy.
Miss u baby...

Greenie tonight? =D
Ringanin pala..yeah..masih ada 1..

2010-11-15T00:52:00.001+07:00

Facebook is so last year.
Twitter is so happening.
Blog is everlasting.

Since I've started to really hate facebook AND I can't (scratch that!),I meant don't, tweet anymore..so this is the best I can get to release my sometimes neurotic minds, my neverending whining, my subjective thoughts, my whatever.. This is like the only escape I have if I want to spill it out of my system.

Yeah. Well.
Sleep,please find me soon or I'D BE FREAKING LATE FOR WORK!!

2010-11-12T21:17:00.001+07:00

Astaghfirullahaladzim...

2010-11-12T09:58:00.001+07:00

Saya ikhlas, yaa Allah..
Saya ikhlas, yaa Allah..
Saya ikhlas, yaa Allah..

Saya ikhlas.

2010-11-11T21:09:00.001+07:00

Okay,my head feels like its going to split open..huaaaaaa.. My benjol keeps on senut-senut...

2010-10-25T14:27:00.000+07:00

yesterday was a dead boring lazy hot Sunday....

dari pagi cuma nonton tv... amazing race (over and over again), kimora fab life, kim kardashian... sambil baca Meg Cabot's mediator books..

sampe akhirnya i couldn't take it anymore, kabur ke J.Co... hang out sendirian.. al capone + ice hazelnut latte sambil tetep baca Meg Cabot.. acting cool.... sampe jam tiga sore. Trus cabut ke kantor ngambil surat-surat penawaran sponsorship buat dipelajari di kos...

sebenernya ada 2 pilihan yang pengen gw lakuin kemarin...pertama, hang out di PIM aja..nonton, main DDR di timezone, nongkrong di excelso ato J.Co. Pilihan kedua: berenang di Horison!

Anyway, karena film yang bagus cuma RED dan kemarin lagi males nonton action, plus timezone rame DDRnya dipake abg2 akhirnya gw putusin untuk berenang ajah ^.^ jam empat berangkat deh ke Horison.. yeaaayyy !!

and it was great, it was awesome, it was so much fun!

eventough i went swimming alone but the pool was so packed (with children *sneers*), but whatever.. i swam for like 2 hours sampe jari-jari keriting.. waktu adzan maghrib baru mentas.

i loved it so much! ternyata gw masih bisa renang booo... all styles gw cobain, trus lompat dari pinggir kolam, salto di air waktu mau lap ke-2... uuhhhhhh so nostalgia abis jaman sd dulu waktu les renang..

so happy to know i stil "got" it, y'know! after all these years gw ga pernah berenang...dududududu..
i will go swimming every weekend from now on! yayyyy! can't wait for next weekend! >.<

2010-10-22T17:29:00.001+07:00

I know it hasn't been that long I've known you..
But I feel something so deep for you,
Especially when I'm drown in this depression and feeling shitty..
Or when I feel happy and celebratorious,

You make me feel better and light..
Like nothing can hurt me or screw me!

Oh dear green can,I think love you..

And your bloody red sister too!

2010-10-21T19:44:00.001+07:00

Eeeeerghhhhh erghhhhhhhhh grrrrrrrr aaarghhhhhhhh eerrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!

2010-10-14T18:15:00.001+07:00

A es be peh, a es be peh, a es be peh..u're killing me inside out.....

sunday morning

2010-10-10T16:06:00.002+07:00

Easy like a sunday morning.. What a line, boy, what a line...
The suckest thing about sunday is knowing that tomorrow is monday *sighs*

Last night I bought a full body swim suit, lengkap sm head cap and kacamata renang. It's been quite a while since last time I swim. Gosh, probably 9 or 10 years..

Pagi tadi rencana renang gagal total..hiks. But it's okay..

I rate this weekend 7 out of 10. Wall street, kepiting lada hitam, udang mayonaise, irish coffee, gendong baby di hypermart, jadi navigator amatir yg sucked abis (but fun! Kinda), latihan sabar, dapet swimsuit full body and cimol. What sucked: argues, crab cuts, argues, macet, argues and crazy hormones.

Hhhhhh udah hari minggu aja sih?? Damn it....

pvj

2010-10-09T22:21:00.001+07:00

This weekend started rough. I don't know how it will end,though....

Tadi gw belanja di carrefour. Abis bayar di kasir gw duduk di bench.. There was a teen girl sitting there on the other end. Trus tiba-tiba ada seorang ibu yg gendong baby-nya dateng..

Ibu-ibu:"mbak, masih lama ga disini?"
Gw: "mmmm, ada apa ya bu?"
Ibu-ibu: "saya mau ke toilet sebentar, bisa titip gendong anak saya?"
Gw: *kaget* "oh iya boleh"
Ibu-ibu: "aduuuh, makasih ya mbak..."
... :D dan gw gendong tu baby aja dong sampe baby-nya nangis dan gw panik karena emaknya ga dateng2, OMG >.<

But it was really fun.. :D loved it!

Note: I finally tasted it! Irish coffee, I meant.. Loved it too! :D

fuck shitwijaya

2010-10-06T19:28:00.001+07:00

It's 19.30..dan gw masih di soetta. Dead tired.

stuck @ soetta

2010-10-06T15:14:00.001+07:00

I am soooo stuck at Soetta Airport !! Eeerghhhh!

And I am boredddd to fucking death!!

*sighs* and it's not until 2 more hours.. T_____T dammmmn shitwijaya air!
Gw dah abisin novel yang gw bawa. Mo beli buku lg di periplus kok males ngabisin duit..jadi yaudah I'm stuck here with nada to do except punching the keypad of my blackberry.

God should ban unprofessional airlines like you, (un)dear shitwijaya air!

belitong

2010-10-06T12:27:00.001+07:00

So,here I am... At H. AS. Hanandjoeddin Airport,Tanjung Pandan-Belitung Island, waiting for my plane to arrive and take me back to Palembang via Jakarta. It's gonna be a long boring journey since my flight from Jakarta to Palembang is due 2 hours behind schedule. Sucks, Sriwijaya can just kiss my darn ass..
This is a beautiful island, but I didn't get the chance to explore its gorgeous famous beaches and landmarks cuz I got a very tight work schedule. Got here yesterday in the afternoon (thanks again for the delay, Sriwijaya) and drove around the island surveying some potentials spots for our new mobile cash. And this morning we went through the same tiring sickening route again to take some pictures, then rushed to the airport. Phewwww...
Ah! There it is! My plane has finally landed! Can't wait to get my hands a cappucino eclair beard papa puff and a cold ice capuccino..

Anyway... Sometimes I can't stop wondering why men could be so in love with me eventough I've broken and shattered their hearts to dust (and I'm always da beyotch). I'm not complaining, I'm just saying.. I'm 26 now, but I still don't have any plans on marriage whatsoever cuz well, let's just face it, my love life is such a wreck. Hahahaha..forbidden love they say. Possible? Impossible? I'm possible? God knows..

Yasutlah.. I always get what i want.

one year ago

2010-10-05T15:35:00.001+07:00

Exactly one year ago, you passed away..moving on to the afterlife, leaving us all behind.. :(
It still pains us, you know..it will never heal. But we are sure that you are in a much much better place now.

I miss you terribly. Not a single day pass by without me thinkin' about you..remembering our time together. And that would bring smile to my face. You are absolutely my hero, someone I am always proud to be a descendant of, someone I am always looking up to.

Dear Daddy,
I love you.. :)

happy birthday, me!

2010-06-22T00:22:00.000+07:00

happy birthday to me!

YAY !

oh yes i care :)

but that's just it.

2010-05-13T01:14:00.000+07:00

i remember, when i was three, you took me to the nearest station so i would eat my meal
i remember, when i was five, you taught me to sing "brother john"
i remember, when i was seven, you bought me my first school uniform
i remember, when i was ten, you beamed as you said congratulations for being the best at school
i remember, when i was twelve, you said i was a big girl and needed to be careful with boys
i remember, when i was thirteen, you gave me a book about puberty that i laughed so hard at your awkwardness

i remember, when i was fourteen, you sent me your first father-daughter letter i cried my eyes out reading it
i remember, when i was sixteen, you bought me my first motorbike !
i remember, when i was seventeen and had my first accident, i was scared you'd get mad i screwed the bike but instead you were worrying about my stupid knee
i remember, when i was eighteen and had the first bug bite, you rasped a potato and wrap it around the rash
i remember, when i was nineteen, you hugged me tight as i said i passed the exam
i remember....

i remember, last time i saw you... two weeks before you leave us all, you hugged me more than you usually did, although you were never a hugger.

i remember,you said you never worried about me cuz you knew i would always be alright and find my way..

oh daddy, i miss you so much.
i don't think this wound would ever heal.

hrrr...

2010-05-12T18:17:00.000+07:00

kangen papah. banget. and i am having pms. that explains the whole-mellow-bitchy-drama-queen me this week.

i never knew i could hurt like this
and everyday life goes on like
"i wish i could talk to you for a while"
miss you but i try not to cry
as time goes by
and it's true that you've reached a better place
still i'd give the world to see your face
and i'm right here next to you
but it's like you're gone too soon
now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

-bye bye by Mariah Carey-

anyway, mom's surgery went well, there were 3 cysts (!!!!)... and the doc said it's genetic (!!!!!)... meaning, her children esp. daughters (ME and fera) should do mamogram regularly (EVEN fera told me herself to do it). well, honestly, it's kinda freaking me out. i don't eat healthily. so, hufffff... i should eat more veggies !!! ...yuck.......

cancer

2010-05-09T10:06:00.000+07:00

CANCER
21 Juni – 20 Juli
Seorang Cancer melakukan segala sesuatu dalam hidupnya dengan hati. Mereka sensitive, perhatian, dan memiliki kesetiaan yang luar biasa yang sulit ditandingi bintang lain. Walaupun memiliki mood yang naik turun, Cancer selalu memancarkan aura sensual yang sulit untuk dielakkan. (Trueeeeee..... yes yes yes i am! Sensitive, perhatian, moody, sensual... rrrrr.. hehehe. BUT, i am not loyal, i think. Survey membuktikan, hahahahha)

Love secret:
Sekali mencintai, kamu akan mencintai sampai mati. Kamu rela mengorbankan dirimu untuk kebahagiaan orang yang kamu cintai.
Kamu juga pecinta yang tidak mudah ditebak dan… sexually wild.
(yes, i will sacrifice my life, my happiness for the ones i love. AND i am, sexually wild. Gyahahaha)

Siapa yang akan Jatuh cinta padamu?
Tipe pengatur yang ingin mengontrol hidupmu atau pencari kehangatan yang haus kasih sayang. (i like a man who knows what he wants, how he wants it. He should be warm, too..)

Siapa yang dapat membuatmu bertekuk lutut?
Orang – orang dengan kemampuan intelektual diatas rata – rata, mereka yang menggunakan otaknya dalam meraih kesuksesan namun tetaap down-to-earth. (SO TRUEEE !! Cowo geblek bikin ilfil !!!)

Kehebatanmu yang tersembunyi:
Dapat menyesuaikan diri dengan berbagai tipe manusia dan berbagai situasi hidup. (Hahaha, berbagai situasi hidup??? i don't think so....)

Ciri khas :
Meskipun pendiam tapi gerak gerik warga cancer lincah dan cerdas. Sayang suka melamun dan berangan – angan tak tentu. Pandai membawa diri, disiplin dan tertibnya sangat menonjol sehingga kadang terlihat cerewet. (Sangat cerewet, bawel, rewel. Lincah, yeaa... grusa grusu tepatnya. Ga bisa jalan pelan. Ga bisa ngomong pelan. DISIPLIN??? TETOOOOTTTT !! WRONG!)

Sifat – sifat umum :
Warga Cancer memiliki perasaan yang halus dan suka menyendiri. Sifat penyayangnya sangat besar terutama terhadap binatang. Tidak senang berfoya – foya. Lebih senang tinggal dirumah daripada berpergian. (Yup, suka menyendiri. In my own bizarre world. Looove animals. SENANG BERFOYA-FOYA. Looove having fun. Looooove high quality stuff, high quality food)

trancing

2010-05-08T10:54:00.000+07:00

i am like, in a trance right now.

yet, i'm loving every second...

and i dont care about you or them. or anyone else.
it would be just me and my effed up work. and my dreams. and my trance.

2010-05-07T18:10:00.000+07:00

Gawddd... i feel sooo boreeeedddd and sick with wooorkkkk...... like i could literally puke on the sheets and papers scattered on my desk, then punch my keyboard and throw the monitor out of my cubicle.

And worse, i'm in bitchy mode today.. can't stop all the sarcastic comments in my head towards anything. Of course, i'm not saying them out loud.. but it keeps on nagging my mind!!

Hufff, so so very much in bitchy mode. I just want to go home and sleep... so tired. I just want to keep on ignoring things, ignoring people, ignoring problems, ignoring tasks... ignoring life. When you are already judged and punished before you even get to explain yourself, what else can you do? silence means encouraging -insert the third party here- to keep on talking, not saying anything means you agree. But saying something is even worse, that just gives -insert the third party here- fuel to blast off...sooo, i choose to ignore. I realize that ignoring is not the best way. But, whatever...

OOT: kampretttt,, dimarahin terooossssss,,, kampretttttt..... mana tahaaannn???

life is cruel

2010-05-05T13:09:00.000+07:00

Life is cruel. People are cruel. But my life.. it's not just being cruel to me right now, it's also being ironic.

I don't know many things. Most of the time, i can't comprehend any comfortable way to react in this so called eastern culture (yes, in this 21st century) altough i have been living my entire damned life indoctrinized engagedfully in it. The world where people say they don't give a fuss when they actually honestly effingly do. They just don't have the guts to say it to your face. Unless you confront them.

But one thing i know is that i am SO NOT living my life for someone else's happiness or approval. I'm so not living in lies. I have never been that way. I always know what i want, how i want it and how to get it. Simply just because i want it or wanna do it. And THAT, my friends, is unpopular and inappropriate in this world i'm living in right now. Why? because people like me crush others' hearts, lives, expectations, opinions or whatever.

Maybe you just don't understand how i feel, like i hoped you could, but you wouldn't. I won't even ask you to try to understand, because really, i don't care. No, correction, i do care. Writing this is a sign that i actually care. But after i publish this, i will take the freedom to live my own life. I won't pretend. I won't lie.

Any decision i take, is based on my heart my mind my considerations, not because of that's what you think i ought to do so i can have your approval.

Oh, please.. don't give me that look as if you understand how i feel. You don't.

Don't be so nice to me if you don't think i deserve it.

pengen kabur

2010-05-05T00:13:00.000+07:00

take me away from here. huffffff, i hate this city.

heartbroken

2010-05-03T17:13:00.000+07:00

Beberapa hal yang terjadi beberapa minggu ini bener-bener bikin pala pusing, perasaan ga karuan dan relationship gw goyah. With just about, everyone.

Tapi gw begitu terhanyut... begitu menikmati semuanya.

It's like living another dream. Doing whatever i want to. Being selfish. Ignorant. Just go to hell with everything and everyone else.

But the time has come, to really contemplate.. dan memikirkan dengan sungguh-sungguh apa yang sebenernya ingin gw lakuin. Dan apa yang akan gw lakuin. Setelah selama ini gw selalu menghindari kewajiban itu.

I think it's time to call it quit.

Dan gue musti tobaaaaatttt. Like, for real. Seriously.

God, i'm so scared of that i might be doing in the near future.. of what kind of a decision i might take. Do i really have the courage?
When things get rough, i suddenly remember YOU. When things are smooth and sailing, i forget YOU. And now i feel the urge to be near YOU, because i really need YOUR guidance and strength. My vision is blurred and my mind is fogged. Only to YOU i seek for mercy..

Now, dear God, ya Allah ya Rabb, what should i do? i'm terrified..

i have never been this heartbroken.

disturbia

2010-04-18T09:28:00.000+07:00

What's wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this?
I'm going crazy now

No more gas, in the red, can't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said, can't even speak about it
On my life, on my head, don't wanna think about it
Feels like I'm going insane, yeah

It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind, it can control you
It's too close for comfort

Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder
Ain't gon' play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise

Your mind's in disturbia, it's like the darkness is light
Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight?
Disturbia, ain't used to what you like
Disturbia, disturbia

Faded pictures on the wall, it's like they talking to me
Disconnecting on calls, the phone don't even ring
I gotta get out or figure this shit out
It's too close for comfort, oh

It's a thief in the night to come and grab you
It can creep up inside you and consume you
A disease of the mind it can control you
I feel like a monster, oh

Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder
Ain't gon' play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise

Your mind's in disturbia, it's like the darkness is light
Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight?
Disturbia, ain't used to what you like
Disturbia, disturbia, disturbia

Release me from this curse I'm in
Trying to maintain but I'm struggling
If you can't go-o-o
I think I'm gonna ah, ah, ah, ah

Put on your pretty lies, you're in the city of wonder
Ain't gon' play nice, watch out you might just go under
Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered
So if you must falter be wise

Disturbia, it's like the darkness is light
Disturbia, am I scaring you tonight?
Disturbia, ain't used to what you like
Disturbia, disturbia

=disturbia= by Rihanna

2010-04-03T00:02:00.000+07:00

.: photogs from our JAVAJAZZFEST 2010 trip :.

menyiapkan energi with japanese food @ katsusei-grand indonesia sebelum berjibaku di javajazzfest.. secara, di PRJ gituw aja loh.. ^^;

nggerus wijen for our katsus

as cute as i could ever be

narsis sambil nunggu maem dateng

beef katsu (my menu)

my boy loves my favorite food

sushi (his menu)

@ PRJ: sweaty and exhausted but friggin' happy !!

.: weekend-ing @ MAKASSAR :.

with his new toy from me *hayaahhh*

kepiting blackpepper

kepiting saos asam manis

he forced me to eat that veggies...

pesawat baling-baling to kendari

his-going-back-to-pomalaa-and-be-apart-from-my-love-really-sucks-so-bad face

breaking news

2010-03-21T03:53:00.000+07:00

news #1. my lil sis, F, akhirnya lulus juga... bakal wisuda April 24th. Gonna hit home nemenin mamah di wisudaan miss F. yaay!

news#2. she got herself graduation present: a gemini blackberry. darn it. she gets everything she wants. it's not the blackberry i'm fussing about, it's the family habit that iritates me (a habit only toward her, sadly. what about me??) *sibling rivalrishly*

news#3. mom was -still is- very happy (and relieved), she went to aunties-uncles homes to spread the big news! (yes, i mean miss F graduation). guess now she doesn't have to worry about any pressures regarding miss F-not-graduating-as-quick-as-they-wanted anymore..

news#4. work still sucks. gettin' worse, even. can't wait to resign and marry my man. it's officially the longest 1,5 years in my life ever.. sept 24th, and i'll be finally free to be tied! uhm...

news#5. my pink obsession is getting worse too.. in a freakish kinda way.

news#6. currently in love with beard papa and j.cool yoghurt. oh, and crab too! gonna go to someplace famous for seafood in near future and gonna eat a hell lot of craaabbbsss. so can't wait!

news#7. have just finished watching gLee. awesome. walopun shallow.. tapi setelah digempur serial-serial kaya 24, heroes and prison break, i found gLee very entertaining and refreshing.

news#8. still cry at night, missing dad.. =(

2010-03-14T11:41:00.000+07:00

Huff... weekend ini leyeh-leyeh aja di kos. Pengen tiduuuur aja seharian, dan memanjakan diri. Secaraaaaaaa, dua weekend kemarin berturut-turut ga bisa muas-muasin bobo, yah walopun weekend yang jauh lebih menyenangkan dibanding weekend ini.

Yup, 2 minggu yang lalu pulang ke jogja waktu long weekend. Trus weekend berikutnya ke Jakarta nonton JavaJazz... 2 weekend bersama orang-orang yang paling gw sayang. It was lovely and memorable =)

i loved it.

miss my Dad, thou.. =""(

my hero

2010-02-21T15:39:00.000+07:00

it's been 5 months. the pain remains the same. the tears keep on falling. the memories keep on popping in my head, of his warm hugs and laughter.

now, to whom could i share this loss?

injured and shattered.
missing him badly. always my hero.

pindah kos

2010-02-14T18:11:00.000+07:00

an update from me!

gw pindah kos. yak betul sodara-sodara.. si nenek itu menggila lagi... tiba-tiba bilang kalo mo ngerenov kamar gw, dika n flo, daaaan, setelah kelar nanti bakal dinaikin 200rebu jadi 750 (kosongan, cuma bole make kipas angin doang..). what the whaaaaattt?? oh man.. *sighs* jadi, kita ga punya pilihan lain selain cabcus dari situ, cuma ada waktu 3 hari sebelum ibu kos mulai renovasi... menyebalkan sekali nenek itu, huhuhuhu...

akhirnya sabtu kemarin kita boyongan pindah ke kos nino.. yang sempit itu, yang panas itu, yang airnya suka ngadat itu.. dan listriknya suka ga kuat dayanya... T______T

ooooohhh.. aku sedih.........

tapi kami sama-sama lagi, heheheheheh.. jadi kl weekend malah jadi gampang ngumpulin massa buat jalan *grins*.... secara, jadi sekos sama si nino, n deket sama kos yudi, alex 'n pipit (plus ester yang pindah ke kos mereka)... dudududuududuuu....

makan ga makan, yang penting kumpuuuul.....

rakerwil ii palembang

2010-02-08T23:15:00.000+07:00

Huffff.... akhirnya kelar juga raker melelahkan itu... setelah berminggu-minggu i slaved my ass off sampe rasanya nyaris kena hipertensi, akhirnyaaaaa selesai jugaaaaa....

walopun dibumbui dengan kekesalan pada beberapa oknum dan insiden nge-gap oknum yang ber-uhuyyyy, tapi overall i was kinda having a great time! most of all, so relieved it's finally over. Hehehehe...

enjoy some pictures from my work vacation! =P sweeeeet escapeeee... parai beach - bangka !!

happy new year!

2010-01-04T11:13:00.001+07:00

selamat tahun baru 2010 !!
happy new year of 2010 !!

semoga tahun ini segera berlalu dengan penuh kesuksesan, kesehatan dan kesejahteran yang mantap! amiiin!

malam pergantian taun gw lewatin di palembang, bareng temen-temen kos (gw, mbak wienda, dika, mbak dewi, 'n agnez-si-anak-baru) yang kebetulan ga balik kampung. kita ber-slumber party di kamar mbak Wienda. nonton tivi, nyela-nyela acara di tivi, nonton dvd ga jelas, ngerumpi, baca online manga, dengerin musik gonjreng-gonjeng, nyanyi-nyanyi yang juga ga jelas dan diakhiri dengan masak nasi merah goreng + dendeng + mie goreng..... (tentu saja, gw bagian nyuci piring dan menolak masak.. hehe).

and, make a wish: taun 2010 ditarik ke tempat yang diidam-idamkan.. amiiiin!

liburan taun baru gw balik ke jogja. intinya sih, bantuin mamah beresin rumah secara adek-adek gw ga bisa diarepin... poor mommy..

semoga taun 2010 ini, adek-adek gw bisa jadi lebih dewasa, lebih punya keinginan, lebih pinter mikirnya, biar bisa bantuin nyokap di jogja.. amin......

ya Allah, tolong kabulkan permintaan saya yang satu itu (di atas).

just an update

2009-12-29T18:57:00.000+07:00

huff.. hampir taun baru. selama ini gw ga pernah bikin resolusi whatsoever setiap pergantian tahun.. intinya kan setiap orang pasti pengen taun depan lebih baik daripada tahun ini. jangankan taun depan, hari esok pun kan harus lebih baik dari hari ini... -.-; jadi, ngapain musti akhir taun lo bikin resolusi? tiap hari dong...

akhir-akhir ini napas gw kerasa berat. sesek gitu deh, ga jelas... rasanya kaya idung gw mampet pet pet... ga enak bener dah. apa ini gara-gara gw keseringan maen sama si pus trus bulunya bikin gw sesek gini? could it be? hmm i wonder......

anyway, adek gw mulai ngeblog nih. check it out ;)

blognya dedek

hehehe... alrity, seems like my head is on 'okay mode' jadi postingan kali ini ga psychotic, hahahaha.. whatever...

die

2009-12-26T20:59:00.000+07:00

die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die diE diE diE dIE dIE dIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIIIIIEEEEEEEE YOU DIEEEEE ZERUDONG !! ............................................................ die.

depression

2009-12-26T00:53:00.000+07:00

rasanya makin ke sini gw makin berantakan aja... udah seminggu ini blas ga ada napsu maem. paling cuma beberapa suap doang. ga pernah abis. even KFC aja ga pengen... waw. chitato juga ga kerasa enak lagi.. i feel very spiritless.

yang gw pengen cuma es krim. cuma es krim. bergelas-gelas es krim.. dan es krim lagi.

rasanya seperti gelas kosong di gurun gersang... ingin diisi dengan sesuatu yang dingin sampe penuh.. sayang, gelasnya retak jadi isinya selalu meleleh keluar.

God, i feel very.. psychotic..... you know, like people who have bipolar disorder..

.....

did i just write that?

naaah, can't be. just a mild depression. jangan lebay please zel... *rolls eyes*

baiklah, mari kita periksa..

a long period of feeling worried or empty.. (checked!)
feeling tired or slowed down.. (*ngangguk2*)
susah konsentrasi, mengingat dan mengambil keputusan.. (ain't that ME???)
thinking of death or suicide.. (beberapa kali terlintas but i'm just a coward bastard)
being restless and irritable.. (yes, being imsoniac and easily agitated everyday @ office!!!!!!!)
changing sleeping, eating or other habits (no more appetite for kfc or chitato or any msg.. O.o)

see? nothing manic about them. definetly only depression symptoms..
nothing to worry about..

right, zel ???

duh lebay banget sih looooo ??? cut it out !!! aargghh!!!

sekayu trip

2009-12-24T23:40:00.000+07:00

okey.. hari jum'at minggu lalu, gw dikong gitong ester flo n mas'dhisti (yudi) jalan-jalan ke Sekayu. yeah.... kami memang sudah sebosan itu dengan palembang.....

kemakan omongan mbak dewi yang abis detaser ke Sekayu, "ihhh di sana bagus loh, kotanya kecil sih.. tapi bangunannya baru-baru n bagus-bagus! trotoarnya aja kaya yang di luar negri gituwww... asik deh buat foto-foto!"

sooooo, berbondong-bondong lah kami ke Sekayu.. sayang mbak dewi sendiri ga bisa ikut gara-gara atm a. rivai lagi rewel..

anyway, setelah 3,5 jam perjalanan yang menggembirakan akhirnya sampe juga. tujuan pertama adalah gelora olah raga (gor) Sekayu. yeah, emang sih.. mayan keren.. untuk kota kecil yah.. foto-foto doang di situ, trus solat di mesjid and cabcus ke mandiri Sekayu.. nengokin doang sih..sekalian ambil duit di atm n si Flo tracking ngeliat kondisi cabang gimana.. hihiihhiii..

abis itu kita maem siang di cafe jadi-jadian yang cupuuuuu.. tapi ya sutralah, daripada makan nasi padang lagi.. >.<

setengah5 berangkat balik ke palembang.. takut pulangnya kemaleman, jalannya ga aman sih..
anyway, seneng banget bisa jalan-jalan.. setaon di palembang bener-bener gak ada kemajuan sama sekali.. masa paling jauh gw jalan ke Indralaya doang?? ke kampus UNSRI?? aihhhh itu sih cuma palembang coret dikit!

temans, mari berpetualang lagi!

mmmmm... anyways, ini hasil jepretan Kodak gress-nya si Gitong.. mmm looked good, ain't i ? *digetok orang sekampung* hehehehe...

love you so

2009-12-24T20:54:00.000+07:00

cuma bilang you're mine aja dah bikin gw dag dig dug der... apalagi kalo.....
dasar pencuri ..!

please don't ever stop.. =)

i love you heartly.

do you know?

2009-12-19T19:51:00.000+07:00

do you know?
that there's a lot going on in my mind.

do you know?
that there's a big hole inside my heart from losing someone dearest to me.

do you know?
that i feel like a zombie roaming through the days just barely staying alive.

do you know?
that i'm so tired of trying to heal the pain of losing him.

do you know?
how much the burden is at my shoulders?

do you know?
that i'm just a silly girl who pretends to be stronger than she really is.

do you know?
how lonely i am...

do you know?
that i feel like i'm walking the path.. alone..

do you know?
that you really don't know anything at all....

juzt a note

2009-12-16T23:36:00.000+07:00

hari sabtu lalu gw cabut ke Jakarta mendadak karena jumat pagi Mamah ngasi tau gw kalo pakde stroke ringan, opname di rs sejak hari Rabu. untungnya masih dapet tiket pulang pergi palembang-jakarta-palembang. seneng bisa ngumpul lagi sama sodara-sodara.. pakde mirip papah, jadi inget papah terus selama di Jakarta.. seneng rasanya liat pakde senyum ato ketawa..

have you ever lost someone so deep it shatters your heart?
i haven't.. not until the day i lost my father.

felt like my soul was ripped away from my body. the wound is deeper than my depression.

crap!

2009-12-14T22:32:00.001+07:00

sorryiboredyoutosleep.ithoughtuwerelistening.sosickofallthishit.
dramasnconflictofinsecurepeoplewhokeepbuggingmyfrigginlife.
evenwhenifinallygottogohomeearly,myheadstillfeelssofullofcraps.
ihateitsofuckinghateitsodamnmuch.

tiredtofakethesmilesandcheerfullnessinmyvoice.
idontwannagiveadamnwhatsoever.
justwannaquitit.yuckfou.

thispostisnotaboutmyromancelifewhichisdoinggreatbytheway.

si pus

2009-12-07T22:18:00.000+07:00

pagi ini gw berangkat ke kantor dengan semangat, sambil membawa bungkusan plastik berisi makanan kucing yang baru gw beli di pim hari sabtu lalu..
sesampainya di kantor, sekilas menyapu pelataran tapi gak nampak batang hidung maupun ujung buntut si pus.. hhm, aneh.. tapi ya sudah lah lebih baik ikut morning briefing dulu, mungkin si pus masih bobo pules di garasi belakang sana..

setelah morning briefing, seperti biasa gw menyiapkan segenggam biskuit untuk sarapan si pus. tapi waktu sampai di pintu, tempat biasanya si pus sudah setia menanti kedatangan gw, si pus masih ndak ada.. hati kecil mulai gelisah.. sedikit kuatir jangan-jangan ada yang ngambil lagi seperti kejadian beberapa waktu lalu dengan si belang mungil gw 'KoPral'

=(

akhirnya gw cari di sekeliling kantor, sampe ke tempat parkir.. ke tiap sudut pelataran. Hiks. masih gak ketemu.. tidaaaaakkk.... dan setiap orang yang gw tanyain selalu bilang,"mungkin masih main mbak.. kemarin minggu saya masih liat kucing mbak mainan di bawah pohon cemara" oooohhhh, kemanakah gerangan dirimu kucing gantengkuuuu??

karena putus asa, gw balik kerja lagi... siang setelah lunch, gw cari lagi masih ga ada.. hhh, dah ga berharap bisa liat dia lagi, mikirnya pasti diambil orang lagi neeeh.. hik hiks..

sore hari, sekitar abis Ashar, tiba-tiba salah satu driver kantor masuk ke ruang marketing dan bilang,"mbak zel, kucingnya ketemu tuh.. kekancingan di dalem ruang fitnes"

HAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH?? how the..... ???

uuuuuh leganyaaaa... ternyata si pus masih ada dan masih iduuup.. cuma kelaparan ajah, hehe. begitu keluar dari ruang fitnes langsung lompat kegirangan minta dikasi maem. abis 2 bungkus whiskas daging ikan, mwahahhahaha!

ternyata eh ternyata, semalem orang-orang kantor kan pada latian ngeband di dalem ruang fitnes.. trus mungkin si pus mo ikutan nimbrung... trus ketiduran di dalem yang emang anget, eeeeh.. kekunci deh sampe seharian. Oooh, my poor gorgeous kitten..

miss home

2009-12-06T22:13:00.000+07:00

barusan nelpon Mamah. uhuy! seneng deh denger Mamah ketawa-ketawa, crita ini itu.. ho ho ho... it's been a while >.<

insyaAllah ga lama lagi mo pindahan ke rumah gamping. fiuhhh, lega deh.. walopun jadi jauh dari Papah, tapi yang penting ada di rumah sendiri, rumah peninggalan Papah.. ^^ uuh i love you Pah, forever and ever..

sekarang rumah masih di renovasi, secara 2 taun lebih ga dihuni.. banyak yang harus dibenerin. ga sabar rasanya pengen pulang buat bantu-bantu Mamah ngeberesin rumah. it's one of the things i like to do: housekeeping ^^ ..urusan buang-membuang, diriku masternya ho ho ho.. beresin seperlunya, yang ga diperluin lagi goes to the litter bin.

hopefully, sebelum 100 hari peringatan Papah, dah bisa pindah ke rumah gamping.. amin!

and my brother was so cute too! tadi sepanjang pertelponan sama Mamah, dia bisik-bisikin Mamah terus.. hahaha, kangen sama gue tapi ga mau gangguin Mamahnya. Uuuh so sweeet...

uhh i wanna come home so bad.. T_____T

mmm, there's a little change of plan.. tadinya kan mo pulang 100 hari Papah bareng sama kambinggantengku. tapi ga jadi, karena harinya ga pas sama sisa jatah cuti kita (gw sih sebenernya.. hehe). so ditunda bulan berikutnya.. waktu ada long weekend. yippieee! we can't wait! we are so ready for this! Mamah juga dah nanyain mulu, huhuhu.. sabar ya Mah..

asian = rice??

2009-12-06T10:53:00.000+07:00

stereotype.. oh stereotype..

just because i'm asian, does it mean that i have to like to eat rice?

because, really, i don't .. (like rice)

dan setiap kali ada yang tau kalo gw ga suka makan nasi, mereka selalu bilang "ooh pantes lo kurus Zel, ga pernah makan nasi sih..."

duh, okay, gw emang ga doyan nasi.. tapi bukan berarti gw ga doyan karbohidrat yaaa..

i'm slim (see, i hate to use the word skinny) because no one in my family is NOT slim. So, genetically i HAVE to be slim. No matter how much i eat, i would be still as slim as this. Even my Mom were slimmer than i am now when she was at my age. Jadi tebakan gw sih gw bakal mulai menggemuk nanti setelah gw dah punya dua anak..

dan fakta bahwa gw ga suka makan nasi, tidak menyumbang kontribusi signifikan pada berat badan gw..

or at least, that's what i believe in.

i'm just a cute asian who happen to like bread more than rice. hey, what's the big deal?

new moon vs ninja assasin

2009-11-28T21:49:00.003+07:00

So.... i have seen new moon yesterday with my girls.. The movie sucked.
Except the scenes which Jacob's in.. >.<

Oh God, that newcomer artist got me shivers down the spine with his cute macho look, and okay, i gotta admit.... his abs is really really reaaaaally awesome. Delicious! He definetly outshone Rob Pattison. Mwohohoho, not that i mind, tho.. Rob is an awful choice for the cast of Edward Cullen..

Anyway, after we watched new moon we went to have lunch. And shortly after that, we decided to watch another movie.. which was ninja assasin. I saw the trailer once when i was queueing for new moon tickets and i thought, hell yea why not, i like actions movie with some kung fu..

So, we watched ninja assasin. And surpriseeee! Guess who was the main actor????
Yes, you are sooo right! It's RAIN! Yessss, that RAIN, MY RAIN!!

The moment i put my butt on the sofa chair, looked up in the screen and saw his familiar face, i was like, "oh my holy God, is THAT Rain???" with my jaw dropped wide open.

Okay, i don't wanna sound too excited here, but yes i do like Rain.. i think he's hot. But it's not like i idolize him the way teens do, alrite..? i just simply enjoy his songs, his moves as well as his asian look. No hysteria like old times. It's very refreshing to watch him in an action movie (or in any movie at all), it's been a while since last time i heard anything about him.

The movie was about a man, Raizo (cast: Rain) who's trained as a ninja by a man called Ozunu and raised to be a cold blood heartless killer. At one point, Raizo decided to turn his back on Ozunu and seek revenge because Ozunu killed the girl he liked. Well, basically that's pretty much about it.

Watching it reminded me of Kill Bill. What a bloodshed movie.....>.< but it's cool tho, i love ninjas. The movie is packed with close combat action, blood, shuriken, samurai, slicing, stabbing, and of course... RAIN... mwhahahahahahahha!

At least, my lebaran haji's holiday is not as bad as i imagined it would be.. hehehehe.

My boyfriend got mad at me that night, because he thought i spend too much time with my girls. I wasn't upset, i was.. happy.. he must have really missed me.. =p

i love you, mas.

tukang pamer

2009-11-23T22:56:00.002+07:00

dirimu membuatku gerah dan risih.
sikapmu seperti remaja smp yang sedang kasmaran.
EUHHHHHH..................................................... !!

iya, kita emang gak selevel. sori yeeeeeeeeeee...........

we're so much different.

you're full of fairy tales and the likes. childish.
i'm full of bitterness and sarcasm. devilish.
membacamu saja membuat bulu kudukku merinding,
merasakan betapa berbedanya diriku dan dirimu.

i bet, the demons will eat you alive when you finally get out of that wonderland.
UGH. I CAN'T STAND YOU.

from: devilish_me

people do change, y'know..

2009-11-20T05:57:00.000+07:00

sedang mendownload dan mendengarkan lagu-lagu Westlife. bernostalgia...

menyadari betapa berubahnya diriku. dari yang sangat naive, memandang dunia dengan segala kejutan-kejutan indahnya.. sekarang menjadi ignorant, sarcastic, bitchier, dan sangat sangat easy going. But the most important thing is, i love it.. i love me now, not then.

i get goosebumps remembering times when i was still young, raw and naive. not exactly the time i'd love to recall.

pengalaman-pengalaman berharga dalam hidup, membuat gw merasakan sendiri betapa hidup bisa berubah dalam sekejap. bahwa di luar sana begitu banyak orang jahat dan bermuka dua. bahwa di luar sana hidup bisa menjadi lebih kejam kepada orang-orang lugu dan naive. bahwa hidup ini adalah pure seleksi alam.

suka kesel sendiri kalo ketemu orang yang dah bukan abg tapi kelakuan masih kaya anak-anak baru meretas. EUH... so shallow. gak penting banget, tau gak seeeehhh........

well kalo lo ngerasa mengenal diri gw, review again, you might get the wrong idea of who i am..

ya Allah..

2009-10-20T22:51:00.000+07:00

ya Allah, berat sekali ujianMu kali ini..
bukan hanya karena kepergian Papah, tetapi keadaan hamba yang jauh dari keluarga.. di saat seluruh keluarga hamba sedang betul-betul terluka dan membutuhkan hamba.

...

ya Allah..

berikanlah hamba kekuatan dan petunjukMu..
hanya kepadaMu lah hamba berserah diri dan memohon ampunan
berikanlah jalan terbaik bagi hamba dan keluarga agar dapat menghadapi ujianMu dengan baik.

ya Allah..
hanya kepadaMu lah hamba berserah diri..

i'm mean? i'm kewl.

2009-10-18T18:42:00.001+07:00

it's cool the way you don't know where life can take you, right?
i mean.. there are like gazilion options or paths or ways of living life and you are stuck with just one.

well, i'm not complaining (much) about my life now. most are great! i mean, besides the fact that i have just lost my precious loving Dad AND just found out how whacky my big family is.

but anyway, my life is great right now because:

i have a good settle job
i have a nice kind and good looking boss
i can have breakfast and lunch at any time i want (this is so not gonna happen if they put me in a branch)
i have my lovely strong Mom, my lovely strong sister and my lovely strong lil brother
i have great friends
and i have the most loving caring gorgeous boyfriend

it made me realize that eventhough i made so many stupid mistakes, yet i chose so many great decisions in my life.

sooooooo.... i have to stop complaining about how things are because well... that's just how things are. sometimes people can be jerks and i can be a jerk, too. i have to take it for granted that there are people who have lil fragile hearts who can't stand having a meanie like me in their lifes, which of course, okay with me.
and that i have to accept that there are some people i just can not stand and that there's nothing i can do about it but pretending that everything is okay. phewww!

well, it's a game right? you can't win if you don't play.

ciao!

---> i guess i'm the evil one?

always in our hearts

2009-10-17T14:45:00.000+07:00

i love you Pah, forever..
so long.. till we meet again in heaven.

you were definetly the best person i've ever known.
i will never stop looking up on you.

i am so grateful to have the best father in the world.
yes, you were..
always in our hearts.

stay close to me, Pah.
come into my dreams.
so i can see your smile again, and again, and again.

i love you.

uh-huh... datz it.

2009-10-17T13:52:00.000+07:00

uuuuu yeaaah....
are you seeing what i'm seeing? yeah, i mean.. right theeeeeeree....

terima kasih ya Allah..

2009-09-29T22:22:00.000+07:00

terima kasih ya Allah, telah menunjukkan jalan kepadaku untuk memilih dirinya..

terima kasih ya Allah, telah memberikan kekuatan kepadaku untuk tetap bersama dirinya..

terima kasih ya Allah, telah memberkahiku dirinya yang melengkapi jiwa ini..

terima kasih ya Allah, telah mengaruniaiku dirinya yang begitu mencintaiku..

terima kasih ya Allah, semoga aku tidak mendustakan nikmat-Mu..

Lanjoooooot, Gaaaan !! Hehehehehehe......

Can't wait till i see you again, love..

the wedding

2009-09-24T22:39:00.003+07:00

the date..
9.10.11 a.k.a October 9th, 2011. Tentative, preferably sooner....

the venue..
akad: my home, Jakal km 13, joGja.
reception: UPN's Auditorium JoGja, of course.. no doubt about that.

the mahar..
Rp. 642.008,- TUNAI.
seperangkat alat sholat dan Al Qur'an, hehehehehe..

the wedding rings..

i really like this one, but i think he wouldn't want to wear it because it's too feminine.. hmm, would he?

or maybe a simpler one like these?

the wedding dress..
akad: modern kebaya in white, or broken white, or pure white. Dia pake beskap putih lengkap sama peci-nya.

reception: moslem wedding dress in white-goldenish, with white long transparent veil and little beautiful tiara, also a little bucket of white lilies to hold. He would be wearing white-goldenish suit, super gorgeous!

or maybe we'll just pick which dress/suit is best and then wear it for both akad and reception, huehehehehehe........ ribet amat ganti-ganti?

the honeymoon destination..
#1 lombok
#2 bunaken, manado
#3 wakatobi
#4 bangka-belitung
#5 bali......

the invitation letter..
nuansa coklat, elegan, tulisannya emas... with gold ribbon and our elegant pre-wedding picture in it (settingnya di hutan, atau padang rumput, or perhaps, foto studio aja deeeh biar ga ribet.. hufff).

the wedding concept..
1. ga mau ribet.
2. ga pake adat. pokoknya sah dan cepet selesai. meaning, ga ada midodareni, ga ada siraman, lempar-lemparan beras, lepas bleketepe or whatever, ga ada nginjek telor mecah kendi bla bla..
3. pagi akad nikah, siang langsung resepsi, malem indehoi...................... huneymoon sesegera mungkin (the next day/week/month).

the wedding cake..
none

the wedding songs..
modern love songs, preferably top 40, pop and jazz hehehehehe.

apalagi yaaaaah?
ga tau deh. ya ampyuuuun walopun pengen ga ribet tapi kayanya emang banyak yah detail yang harus dipikirin.. duh pening.. yasutlah, masih lama ini heheheheh.. sambil cari-cari referensi wedding checklist dududududu..

okay i gotta admit that this post is worthless to read for you, but whatever, gw lagi pengen ngayalin my wedding day (of course isi postingan ini hasil dari khayalan kami berdua hehehe). the day when everything is just finally perfect. so, sampe nanti yaah, tunggu undangan dari gw *winks*

el bastardo

2009-09-19T02:19:00.000+07:00

for the retarded bastard (and by that i mean agung setyolaksono atmojo) who had beaten my sister three times:

if you EVER touch her again, i will definetly absolutely without hesitance kick you in the balls as hard as i could to make sure your worthless d**k can not erect for the rest of your fu**ing low life.

you have no reason whatsoever, let alone RIGHT, to hurt anyone especially someone (especially my sister!!) who obviously carries a womb, just like your MOTHER. That kind of attitude proved what an immature imbecile pathetic neurotic as*hole you are, who clearly don't deserve any sympathy even from friggin' apes!! gosh, i hope the aliens would abduct you because you DISGUST THE HELL OUT OF ME!

the saying is just so true: "some people, such as this total crap bastard, are only alive because it's illegal to kill them."

air crash investigations

2009-09-08T21:18:00.000+07:00

Huffff... lagi nonton Air Crash Investigation nih di NatGeo. My fave tv show. Episode ini lagi ngebahas Adam Air. Sebenernya sih gw dah nonton di youtube.. you know lah, kalo weekend kerjaan gw di kamar ya browsing youtube, nonton episode demi episode AIC, hahahahaha..

Dan hasilnya, 3 flights terakhir bikin jantung gw dag dig dug der, padahal ya semua lancar-lancar aja. Selama ini kan i looooooove flying! i love the sensation when the airplane takes off and i also like the feelings, the lurch in my stomach when there's small turbulence in the air that makes the airplane shakes a bit. Hiks, tapi sekarang setelah dicekoki terlalu banyak episide ACI dalam satu kurun waktu yang pendek, keparnoan gw mengambil alih huhuhuhuhu... i don't enjoy flying as much as i did before.. =(

Huuuuuh... antara menyesal dan ketagihan.. pengen nonton ACI lagi tapi takut tambah parno. Jadi sementara, nonton Bleach aja dulu hehehe, mumpung dapet pinjeman dvd dari mas Yudis, hurray!!

about earthquake

2009-09-05T21:52:00.000+07:00

oke deh... setelah hampir seminggu jumpalitan kesana-kemari cari tau gimana caranya bikin comment box di blog, akhirnya gw menyerah dan ganti skin gw ke classic (yang membosankan ini). But hell, tar kalo gw dah tau caranya, gw bakal switch lagi ke skin fave gw..

so, meanwhile.. maafkan yah kalo skin gw membosankan dan ga menarik..

turut berduka cita buat korban-korban gempa kemarin, semoga dimaafkan semua dosanya dan diterima di sisi Allah SWT. amin... dan semoga bencana-bencana seperti itu ga terjadi lagi di bumi nusantara tercinta.

waktu denger ada gempa, lutut gw langsung lemessss... kebayang gimana waktu dulu ngerasain gempa di jogja. hiks, menyeramkan..

buat yang pengen baca posting-an gw tentang gempa waktu itu (Mei 2006) silakan klik di link ini.. http://mukabuled.blog.friendster.com/2006/05/

okay, that's all for tonight. sudah waktunya bobo biar tambah cantik..

good night my guardian angels..

gw libur panjang!

2009-09-04T18:55:00.005+07:00

horeee!

akhirnya aku dibolehin cuti jugaaaa ^.^
alhamdulillah...

tapi gw kesian sama bos gw. Cuz gw mulai besok senin ga ngantor lagi sampe tanggal 23 September, secara minggu depan gw training di Jakarta trus langsung cuti pulang ke Jogja. Bos gw ga ada yang bantuin, cuma ada Pak Anwar aja single fighter.. mbak Dewi detasering ke Arief mulai besok Senin sampe batas waktu yang ga ditentuin. Cuma ada mbak Mila sama Pak Zahyul.

yeh.. Pak Zahyul sih ga usah diarepin deh..
mbak Mila juga sibuk ngurusin special rate.
jadi ya... beneran cuma ada pak Anwar, sendirian.. wow, kesian..
mabok, mabok deh..

demotivated

2009-09-02T20:25:00.002+07:00

i don't know how to make my life happier.
i'm so not happy here.

i'm tired. i'm unsatisfied. i'm... dry. Lonely.

And sad.

wish there's someone to comfort and cheer me up.

missing home so much.

so sick of this city.

gila.... demot abis-abisan gw.